Lights, Eggshells, & Confessions

There are 3 essential aspects of boundaries in a marriage.  In this blog post, we want to delve into them to illuminate their value and importance.  

Joseph and I have seen our fair share of ups and downs in our relationship, but our foundation of loving the Lord and wanting, with all our might, to please and honor Him with our marriage has been the glue that holds us together.

We are by no means the perfect couple, but we work extremely hard to be a Godly example for our circle of influence.  These 3 essential aspects of boundaries in marriage were the topic of our last book club discussion and we thought it was important to dig a little deeper into them.

Marriage is hard and it doesn’t matter that you’re saved and know Jesus; we are still human and have human tendencies.  That said, the 3 aspects of marriage we will discuss in this blog post have proven to be a great start in achieving a happy, healthy, and human marriage.

If you come from a single-parent household where arguing led to divorce like I did, you may be familiar with feeling like you have to walk on eggshells around your spouse.  The thought of rocking the boat and potentially making Joseph angry was my greatest fear. All I knew was anger begot shouting and shouting begot divorce.  That is why TRUTH is so important in a marriage.  This is not just for obvious reasons but also for couples' ability to confront problems instead of avoiding them.  It is important for you to create a safe place for your spouse to come to you and be honest.  

Our relationship is more than a commitment.  It is a covenant.  This means we are ONE.  Our covenant with God means we love with an agape love. When we are truthful with one another, we are not only honest with each other, but we are REAL.  Without the safe space, it is difficult for us to be open, honest, and real with our spouses.  This greatly contributes to the resentment and anger that plagues our relationships.

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 Matthew 19:6 reminds us that marriage is a covenant initiated by God, and we’ve agreed to join into it when we marry. This covenant marriage says we are joining our hearts together in a supernatural way that only God can orchestrate.  The Agape love mentioned earlier is more than an emotion. It is the demonstration of love through action.  Joseph loves me with AGAPE love because he actively performs tasks, reacts, and demonstrates his desire to help me fulfill God’s purpose for my life.  Does this mean he is happy with me all the time? ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!  If you ask him on the right day, he may not even like me…lol!!!

THIS is where GRACE comes in.  As an essential aspect of boundaries in marriage, grace is reminding yourself that you are human too and just as you will desire forgiveness and empathy, your spouse needs it too. The Bible declares marriage as the most important relationship one can enter into aside from your relationship with God. Ephesians 5 is a great place to start for a more detailed explanation of this. 

There is an exercise in the book we’re reading, Boundaries In Marriage, where the author asks the couples to gaze into each other's eyes and think about all of the wonderful reasons they fell in love with their spouse.  He allowed them to bask in that emotion for a bit, then he asked them to repeat after him and say:

• I AM A SINNER

• I AM FLAWED &

• I WILL FAIL YOU

How sobering, right?  Grace keeps us humble. It allows spouses to stay connected despite imperfections.  Remember this during your next disagreement.  Remember that you are both human and not without blame. Give grace, forgive, be empathetic. Your turn is coming.

Now, nothing worth having comes easy.  Is that how the saying goes?  Marriage is no different.  It takes time to develop the skills and mindset shared in this post.  Believe us, Joseph and I have nearly 30 years under our bedazzled belt, and it’s taken all 30 to get us where we are right now.  God is faithful. He is true. Allow TIME to do its job.  Use it to practice and develop a process that incorporates truth and grace.  True change and boundary-setting take time and shouldn’t be rushed.  

1. Practice creating a safe environment for your spouse to be open and honest with you.

2. Remember you’re human too and will require forgiveness and empathy one day.

3. Allow time to perfect your patience and processes for navigating challenging times in your marriage.

4. Above all, respect the MARRIAGE COVENANT by loving your spouse with AGAPE love!